Contributions of the group Speed

Wayback Machine

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Thu, 18 Jun 2026 21:09:08 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Hey Burt, what's up?
You ready to go time traveling, Ernie?
In this beauty? Absolutely. I've been thinking about Laverne all day.
What about her?
The alimony. Here's the plan: I go back in time; maybe a certain conversation never happens. Presto! No more alimony!
I see. You're putting a lot of faith in the time machine, aren’t you, buddy?
The multiverses are out there, man. Theoretically speaking, of course.
You can always hope.
I do. Desperately.
No time to lose then.
Hit it.

Commuter

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Mon, 08 Jun 2026 16:11:49 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Hi Edna. I'm in the car. Would you call the office for me, please?
Sure, Stanley. What's the matter?
Oh, the track, I mean freeway! It's backed up, and I'm running a little behind the pack. I mean I'm running late!
Ok, well don't try and speed to get there.
In this old bucket? No way. Easy does it.
Good. I love to hear you talk responsibly.
That's me, all right. Slow and steady. By the way, I gotta stop on the way home to fill up on jet fuel. I mean gas!
Ok.

Ride

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 18 Apr 2021 04:45:47 +0000

honeyj has posted:

hey edna, let's go out.
where to, stanley?
I just wanna hit the road.
ok. . . uh, in this?
sure. why not?
I dunno. it's giving me a weird feeling.
whaddya mean?
kinda. . . creeping me out.
don't be silly. by the way, her name's Christine.
that does it. I'm out.
you sure?
totally.
ok, but don't let her hear that.
serious?
I definitely recommend against it.

Detroit Muscle

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 02 Nov 2019 21:42:51 +0000

honeyj has posted:

yo, louie. I gotta job for ya.
yeah boss?
I want you to lean on a guy a little. owes me money.
lean? like how much?
enough so's the money appears. that's how much.
that kind of muscle, I'll need vinny.
go ahead. and take the red car.
serious? forget vinny then. I'm taking loretta.
what kinda muscle she got?
only the good kind boss.

Eat Shit

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 17:34:12 +0000

honeyj has posted:

what's up, earl?
nothing much, vern.
how's the ride?
I'm liking it.
you ever gonna paint it?
what do you mean, vern?
I mean it don't seem to have no paint job.
here's the thing, vern. the car goes so fast, atmospheric friction strips the paint right off.
you don't say.
and another thing. eat shit, vern.
that fast, eh?
believe it.

Exoplanet

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 26 Feb 2017 21:51:37 +0000

honeyj has posted:

scout crew to base. come in.
base here. what's your situation?
we've landed on the exoplanet. and guess what? it supports life.
amazing! that's the first sign of life outside our solar system!
right! and get this: they may be even more advanced than us!
really?
you should see the awesome machines they use to get around on this planet!
ion-powered like ours?
hell no! they use something called 'oil and gas.' completely beyond our technology!
great! we need a new sustainable energy source. get all the info you can.
my eye stalks are peeled.
and if the inhabitants are digestible, so much the better.
I know, right?

born to raise hell

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 18:02:49 +0000

honeyj has posted:

get in. it's time to hit the road.
where are we going?
as far away from here as possible.
yeah?
yeah. and if we find trouble, so much the better.
I hear that.

furious

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 01:29:44 +0000

honeyj has posted:

hey maw! it must be mississippi paddleboat paddlewheel week!
why do you say that, vern?
just lookit that thing! spinnin' to beat all!
vern, quit flappin' your gums and sit down before your teeth fall out.

passing lane

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 06 Dec 2014 17:36:05 +0000

honeyj has posted:

excuse me. are you going to park here?
what? no! actually, I'm trying to get somewhere. and I'm in somewhat of a hurry, if you don't mind.
oh, because it looks like you're driving in circles.
yeah, well that's the story of my life.
don't feel bad. mine too.

I get around

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Mon, 16 Jun 2014 02:30:34 +0000

honeyj has posted:

my lord ba'al! you got a new ride!
pretty sweet, don't you think? I got it in Detroit.
it's a little. . . rough, isn't it?
it'll be perfect on the lot. never let it be said that ba'al doesn't have the best variety of used cars in New Jersey!
that's quite a testament. since, I mean, god kicked you out of heaven ages ago.
silence! we do not speak of this! and genuflect when you address me, mortal! I am the great god ba'al, after all!
certainly, lord.
but we do need to move some cars. I'm starting to get a little, how should I put it. . . antsy. I need my supply of virgins, dammit!
the few remaining ones will be delirious to hear it.
you think so?
are you sure you want me to answer that question?
maybe not.

chick magnet v.3

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 28 Sep 2013 03:20:19 +0000

honeyj has posted:

get in, darlin'
where we going?
actually, nowhere. I just need to see you sitting in my car.
saves money on gas, don't it?
I'm a very practical guy.

bank job

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 20:22:00 +0000

honeyj has posted:

I need wheels. something inconspicuous, but very fast.
I've got just the thing for you.
ok, good, because I do not want to be noticed. at all.
you got nothing to worry about. trust me.
ok. deliver it to the bank at 4:00 sharp.
where will you be?
I'll be running out. in a bit of a hurry.
it'll be there.
and nice and quiet, right?
practically invisible.

Road Rage

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 03:08:32 +0000

honeyj has posted:

can I have a lift?
you can't hitchhike here! this is a race course!
I'm heading to new york. going that way?
I'm in a damn race! so no, I'm not going that way.
ok. I'll get the next guy.
I promise you. he's not going to new york either.
well, thanks for the tip, but you don't know that.
have it your way, kid, but stay away from the corners.
I hope I get a ride soon. I got class tomorrow.
frankly, I don't know how you made it this far.

commute

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 02:26:05 +0000

honeyj has posted:

mind if I stop at starbucks? I need coffee.
geez, we're already late for the meeting.
don't worry. Jenkins can cover it.
guess what. we just passed Jenkins, at the bus stop.
damn! ok, we'll hit the donut shop instead. shorter lines.
gun it.

weekend car

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 21:14:43 +0000

honeyj has posted:

sweetie, I'm going to the store. do you need anything?
no thanks, hon.
ok. well, I'm just going to take the, you know, other car.
oh, I see. well try to keep it under 140 in the parking lot.
yeah, sure. no problem.

chick magnet, retired v.2

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 04:34:57 +0000

honeyj has posted:

she and I can both say the same thing.
what's that?
some things just don't work like they used to, anymore.
ain't that the truth.

Chick Magnet, Ret'd

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 04:52:58 +0000

honeyj has posted:

get in.
why? where we going?
don't worry about it. just get in.
maybe I don't wanna get in.
trust me. you do. you really do.
give me a hint.
see that back seat? ever see one that sweet before?
hmmm. I receive your meaning.
so?
what are we waiting for? drive.

Right of Way

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:11:27 +0000

honeyj has posted:

did you see that? that jerk almost ran over my foot!
yeah. damn kids these days. got no respect.
it's like they think the street is their own private race track!
sucks, don't it.

caught in the act

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 02:57:13 +0000

honeyj has posted:

I told you to get those brakes checked. but did you? nooooo. you think you're so smart.
sorry, boss.
well this is a fine mess you got us into.

My Other Car

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:47:40 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Dad, can I take the car?
Which one?
23.
Take it where?
Well, I'm going out with Roxanne.
Oh? It's a one-seater. Where will she sit?
On me, of course.
Ask your mother.