Photos, videos and docs of honeyj, with the keywords: "trespassing"

Life and Life Only

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Wed, 09 Sep 2026 20:26:41 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Lord, a moment?
What's up, archangel?
It's your people on Earth again. Life is hard for them.
It should be. They screwed up their world. They can pay for it.
Still, is there nothing you can do for them?
Well, for a start, they can stop wasting time expecting eternal life.
But that fiction gives them hope.
Too bad. They should do something constructive with their lives; not waste them praying for salvation. Ain't gonna happen.
Then what is the purpose of life, lord?
Purpose? Find someone. Fall in love. Be productive, if not creative.
Too bad the bible doesn't tell them that.
The bible? Pulp fiction. Semi-entertaining trash.
Didn't you write it?
Me? No way. It was Murray.
Murray? Who's he?
Some con man trying to make a buck. I let him have the movie rights.
Really?
What do I need them for?
Big of you, lord.
Hey, that's how I roll.

God of All Gods

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 06 Sep 2026 22:01:30 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Slave! I need you!
Yes, lord Ba’al.
I’ve finished by autobiography. You may examine it.
Ok. Wait. What's this? You're calling it 'God of All Gods'?
Indeed! An accurate title, if I do say so myself!
Pretty self-important, even for you, lord.
My people love me!
Based on what evidence?
Your point?
May I be frank?
If that’s your name.
Actually it’s Kothar-Wa-Khasis. But you can call me Kevin.
Whatever.
Anyway. You may recall that your godly ass was kicked out of heaven ages ago.
And look at all the suffering mankind has endured since! When I think of what might have been!
You mean from here at the used car lot?
The miserable souls and tortured wretches I could have saved!
Except those you suckered into buying a shitty used car, right?
Yes, of course. Except for them.

Scavenger Hunt

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Fri, 04 Sep 2026 21:02:32 +0000

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What's the next clue, Stanley?
Ok, Edna. It says we turn left just after a big pile of concrete, then we look for a blasted hole in a wall.
Like we haven't seen many of those. Then what?
We're supposed to find a pink bunny.
A bunny? In this place? Are you sure, Stanley?
I dunno. That's a mystery. Maybe we took a wrong turn somewhere back there.
Maybe several wrong turns.
Yeah maybe. It also says to avoid falling through the floor.
What floor?
Yeah, another mystery.

Art Class

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Fri, 04 Sep 2026 20:59:22 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Good morning, class.
Good morning, Mrs. Lubner.
Today is art day. Are we ready to be expressive and creative?
Yes, Mrs. Lubner!
Did you all bring your spray cans of paint?
Yes, Mrs. Lubner!
Ok, you may begin!
Can we paint anything?
Anything at all! Just try to avoid aiming for each others' eyes.
Yes ma'am!

Tipping Point

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Mon, 31 Aug 2026 04:13:23 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Good morning, Herr Doktor.
My boy! Look at this!
What is it?
A major scientific journal is publishing my latest groundbreaking thesis!
Great! What's the topic?
Through precision field testing, I've determined that the longer a particular cow has been lying down, the more likely it is that it will soon stand up!
Wow.
And that's not all! I have answered the eternal question of whether, once a cow stands up, it can be predicted when it will lie down again!
Can it be?
Not without severe and persistent encouragement! Brilliant, eh? Please put these scientific tools away.
A cattle prod? And jumper cables? And what's all over your clothes?
Oh yes.At the moment I jumped on the supine cow it unexpectedly rolled over onto its back. Things turned a little . . intimate, in a manner of speaking.
Mercy!
Actually, her name was Bernice.

Pearly Gates

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 30 Aug 2026 17:18:47 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Where am I?
You're dead. You're in heaven. Be happy.
I'm dead? This is heaven? Where's the pearly gates?
They're a myth. Forget about them.
You sure?
Don't believe everything you read.
But. . . What about Angel Gabriel?
Gabe? Gabe's not here. You got me instead. Murray.
Murray? Who are you?
I'm your guardian angel. So shut up and sign in.
Where's. . . god?
He ain't here neither. On vacation, I think.
Vacation? He goes on vacation? From heaven?
He gets real bored, actually. Can't blame him.
Where does he go?
Oh, he's got a place on a lake.
He does?
Yeah. One of those inland seas in Michigan. It's, like, heavenly.
I have to say, I'm disappointed. This place is. . .
Is what?
It's so. . . I don't know, trashy, and. . . filthy.
Hey, listen up! God likes it this way!
He does? But why?
So that all you morons with your heads up your asses can clean it! Be halfway useful for once!
Excuse me?
That's right. Self-righteous hypocritical pricks, is all you are.
God says that?
Says more than that, actually. But you didn't hear it from me, understand?
Sure, ok.
You flap your lips, I'll fuck you up. Got it?
Are you sure this is heaven?
Hey! What'd I just tell you? You disrespecting me?
No sir. Not at all. It's just. . .
This ain't no country club! This is heaven, dammit! You're here to work? Got it?
Yes, sir.
You people are so dumb. Believing in miracles.
But. . . but, they promised us eternal life, with the lord!
Lord's got no time for that, fool! Now go see Leon.
Who's he?
Your crew boss. Your lord and master from now on.
Are you sure this isn't a bad dream?
Dream? Ha! Ain't no sleeping allowed here!
So just tell me: if this is heaven, what's hell like?
Ain't no hell. Just heaven. Had to downsize.
Downsize?
Yeah. Because of the economy. So you missed hell.
I feel so lucky.
That means nothing to me. Now get your ass to work!

Business Model

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 29 Aug 2026 21:08:36 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Hey, Purvis, I've got a new marketing idea to take to the board.
Great, Don. Things are a little slow around here.
It's can't miss. The board'll eat it up.
What's the basic model?
We invest in rat futures!
That's your plan? How does that work, market-wise?
C'mon, man! Think of it! Rats ARE the future!
Hmmm. You know, the board might actually wanna jump on that.
Totally! I knew that MBA would come in handy some day.
The one your father paid for?
Yeah, that one.

Memory

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Thu, 27 Aug 2026 04:11:01 +0000

honeyj has posted:

I heard that most buildings are built to last 50 years.
That doesn't seem like much.
It isn't.
I'd like to think that there’s something in this world that is made to endure.
Unlike us, you mean.
Exactly. We are mere fleeting shadows in this life.
Noisy ones, though.
Well we gotta let somebody know we been here.
They know.
Maybe about you they do.
In a good way?
Ha ha.

After the Fall

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Tue, 25 Aug 2026 02:53:56 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Time for your weekly report, Private. Is it safe out there?
No, sir. Radiation levels are still way beyond toxic.
Even two years after the war ended. Fuckin' bugs.
They'll think twice about invading Earth again sir.
Maybe. But look at the devastation they left.
Yeah. Fuckin' bugs.
What did you say, Private?
I mean fuckin' bugs, sir!

Entropy

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Fri, 21 Aug 2026 19:14:17 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Hey Vern, let's go for a walk.
I'd love to, Leon, but something is telling me that's not a good idea.
Whaddya mean? It's a beautiful day!
Oh, just a feeling, that maybe this isn't the best place for that.
Geez. I don't know what gives you that impression.
It's subtle. Totally me. Don't worry about it.

Indoor Gardening

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 15 Aug 2026 20:35:49 +0000

honeyj has posted:

What the hell is growing in here?
It's for me. I'm going on a macro-biotic diet.
No way.
100% vegan. Nuts and berries.
But this place is totally polluted! This stuff could have, I dunno, cellular mutations!
Hey, mutate this. I've got a garden now. got it?
Whatever. I'm gonna go get a hotdog. Want one?
Sure, bring back two, with fries and a coke.
Vegan, eh?
It's close enough.
So, chili on the dogs?
You have to ask?

Space Invaders

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Wed, 12 Aug 2026 05:00:29 +0000

honeyj has posted:

This is a funny place to put a gateway.
Not so funny. It suits our needs.
When does the portal appear again?
Any second now. We are expecting a visitor.
From Arcturus? Home? Wow.
Yes, and he will be thrilled at our progress.
He will also be hungry, no doubt.
Undoubtedly, and there is plenty to eat on this planet.
You said it! And they transform so easily.
Their cellular structure is very adaptable.
Can I see how it works?
You are looking at it right now. All around you.
All I see is abandoned steel and junk.
Clever disguise, isn't it?
You mean. . .
Yes, this is how we store the humans for shipment home.
Damn! There's old factories like this all over the world!
Yes, lots of humans to harvest here.
Don't they notice?
It's just a broken-down old factory to them. Of no value.
If they only knew.
But they never will. Clueless, ignorant, self-centered creatures.
But cute, in their own way.
Don't let our visitor hear you say that. You'll find yourself missing a few eye stalks. Earthlings are food; not pets.
Got it. Thanks for the tip.
Don't mention it.

I Eat What I Kill

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Tue, 11 Aug 2026 19:14:23 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Hey, Virgil, did you know we're all made of stars.
Yeah? But what about this place, Egon? Is it made of stars too?
Beats me. I'll ask my attorney.
How is she gonna know?
She knows everything.
No kidding?
And she bills me for it too.

La Dolce Vita

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Mon, 10 Aug 2026 04:03:34 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Get your dancing shoes, Edna, we're going out!
Oh Stanley! You're taking me dancing?
I got the raise. And the promotion. We are celebrating!
Wonderful! Maybe now we can fix up a few things around the house? What do you think?
Sure sure. But tonight: we live it up!
I mean, I know I've been nagging, but just a window pane or two, would finally be nice, you know?
Yessir! Gonna live the dream! Feets: do your stuff!
Stanley? Is it too much to ask for glass in even one window in winter? Am I talking to myself?
Look out! Gonna bring my fox trot! Cha cha too!

It's Not Working

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Fri, 07 Aug 2026 17:58:59 +0000

honeyj has posted:

What time's lunch, Eddie?
Looks like another 2 hours, Sy.
That can't be possibel! We've been here forever already!
That's true, isn't it. Well, shit! Look at that. The goddamn timeclock ain't working. We shoulda had lunch long ago!
Well what time is it then?
Lemme ask my phone. Oh my god! It says it's tomorrow!
You mean lunch?
No, you idiot! It means we been here all night and now it's tomorrow!
Gee. Well what time's lunch?

Grey Flannel

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Mon, 03 Aug 2026 04:42:46 +0000

honeyj has posted:

May I help you?
Oh, hi. Name's Parts. Otto Parts. I just got out of the Army, I'm reporting for work. It's my first day.
You were in the Army? What rank?
Uh, Private.
Private Parts. I see. And you say you're working here now?
Uh, yes! I was hired into the, uh, Marketing Department.
Got it. Nice suit. Is that your only one?
Ha ha. Yeah.
Great. Well, marketing is a little slow right now. You are definitely over-dressed.
I am?
For what you're gonna do? Absolutely. Tell you what. Grab that blowtorch and head up to 6. You'll find some steel support columns that need cutting.
Cutting? Like all the way through?
You're so quick! Don't set yourself on fire, and don't fall into a hole in the floor.
Ok.
If the ceiling starts to buckle like it's gonna collapse due to a lack of structural support. . .
Yes?
Don't forget to duck.

Virgin Sacrifice On Acid

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 01 Aug 2026 21:57:49 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Slave! I need you!
Yes, my lord, Ba'al.
Where are my virgins? I'm expecting them to parade before me!
Momentarily, lord.
And are they. . . um. . . suitably excited?
Naturally, lord. Who wouldn't want to fulfill their life by being sacrificed to you?
True, true.
One thing, though. They want to. . . take LSD first.
They what?
In order to lose their minds, they say.
So as to improve the experience, I assume?
I'm sure, lord.
Their devotion to me is so gratifying.
It goes without saying, o beloved one.
Indeed. But you can say it anyway.
Of course, lord.

Rocket Science

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Wed, 29 Jul 2026 20:46:44 +0000

honeyj has posted:

I couldn't live here.
Who's asking you to?
Oh, I was just anticipating your next question.
Yeah? What am I gonna ask you now?
Am I hungry?
Keeee-rect! What's your answer?
I'm starved.
Me too. Let's eat.
Well that was easy.
Hey, it's not rocket science, you know.

Personal Effects

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Tue, 28 Jul 2026 20:32:02 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Bad news, man. I've been evicted.
Damn, that's harsh. Moving is the worst.
You said it. Plus, I've accumulated so much stuff! I mean, it's unbelievable what's in here! And the thing is, I can't bear leaving any of it.
You're taking it all?
Yeah, I gotta.
Even. . . .Even this giant. . . thing?
Man, I gotta keep that! I've been through so much with it! It's like a part of the family!
Yeah, but, dude. How are you gonna get it out of here?
Drive it, of course.
Drive it? Does it even run?
You mean it might not? Don't even say that!
Ok, you didn't hear it from me. I'm sure it'll start.
Jesus! You had me worried there for a second!
It's in perfect shape. When, ah, when was the last time you fired it up?
Hmmm. Let's see. Who was president during Watergate?
What? It's been sitting here 50 years?
No man! I was just quizzing you! Only about 40! It'll be a snap, right?
Totally.

Post-Op

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 22:24:04 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Are you awake?
I think so.
I'm your nurse. You've had your operation.
How did it go?
Well, I've got good news and bad news.
Give me the bad news.
They cut off the wrong foot.
What? That's awful! What's the good news?
The guy in the next room wants to buy your slippers!