Photos, videos and docs of honeyj

Counterculture

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Wed, 27 May 2026 20:49:49 +0000

honeyj has posted:

You really got into that sermon, didn't you Clem? You hardly stayed in your seat.
Marv! It was Bernice! I swear she was in there!
Impossible. She took off ages ago. Where was she sitting?
Not sitting! Flyin' around! Like an angel! I could almost reach out and grab her!
Dude. You hallucinating again?
No way. Next time I'll be prepared to counter the forces of gravity.
How's that?
Only one way my man: better dope.
That's it?
On my budget, yeah.

Darwin Award

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 24 May 2026 02:54:15 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Holy shit, Purvis. Did you see that?
What, man?
Something or somebody just flew past the window!
Damn. Musta been Curly
Why Curly?
Oh, he said he was gonna do some skateboarding on the roof.
What?! That's insane! The roof is half gone!
Yeah. I told him. Said it was a challenge. Said he was up to it.
Well it appears he exceeded it.
Yeah. I'm sure he's proud of that.
No doubt.

Cause and Defect

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 24 May 2026 02:22:57 +0000

honeyj has posted:

I'd point that thing somewhere's else, if'n I was you.
Yeah? Well I ain't afraid of you.
Maybe not. But my little friend, you should be afraid of him.
Yeah? What's his name?
Colt.
That's a name?
Colt.45. You're about to meet him.
Actually, I'd rather not.
First intelligent thing you've said today.
And here's the second. I'm outta here.
You're not as dumb as you look, pilgrim.
How'd you know my name?
Just a guess.

Tourist Destination

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Thu, 21 May 2026 03:04:42 +0000

honeyj has posted:

I'd like a room, please. On a higher floor, with a nice view.
Yes, sir. We have many interesting, ah, views here. Would you like running water?
Well of course!
It comes in through the window openings just fine.
Openings?
As well as the roof, what's left of it.
I'm not sure I know what to say. What kind of bed does it have?
Bed? Well, there was a mattress. . . once. Somewhat charred.
Sounds delightful. Do you get many guests here?
Well, it is the tourist season.
So you're booked?
With you here? Definitely.

Life On Earth

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 17 May 2026 21:05:31 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Stanley, peel me a grape.
Would you like it with a glass of bubbly, Edna?
That sounds lovely.
Do you need anything else?
Well, you could tell the sun to stop moving.
I'll get right on it.
That would be perfect.

Too Rolling Stoned

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 17 May 2026 20:38:18 +0000

honeyj has posted:

You know, Earl, one of these days we're gonna make something of ourselves.
Whaddya mean, Cletis? You don't think we already have?
Look around you, man. You tell me. Is this the best we can do?
I dunno. I'm, you know, comfortable.
Earl. Put the crack pipe down and then answer the question.
Gee, do I gotta?
I guess not.
You wanna hit?
No thanks.

The Real Me

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 16 May 2026 19:14:58 +0000

honeyj has posted:

And where do you think you're going, young man?
School, mom.
Oh no you're not. Not in that get-up.
But mom! It's "Future Careers Day!"
Oh? And what career are you trying to identify wearing that?
A super-secret undercover CIA counter-intelligence agent!
Well, you'll never be noticed in that disguise.
I know, right?

Matter of Time

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sat, 16 May 2026 18:30:41 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Good morning, Herr Doktor.
Yes, my boy. Very good. You are the first to witness my latest invention. A time machine! Isn't that amazing?
Really?
Just sit here. Mind the sharp edges, heh heh.
How does it work?
Oh, it's technical. I'm sending you back 5 minutes into the past. It's harmless! And you'll be able to meet yourself walking in the door, or where there used to be a door.
Are you sure?
I haven't exacted the calibrations just yet. So it might be a little more than 5 minutes.
How much more?
Who knows! 5 years? 5,000 years?
What!?
Science! See you earlier! Maybe!

Ba'al Movement

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Tue, 12 May 2026 05:12:20 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Slave! I need you!
Yes, lord Ba'al.
I'm expanding my used car business.
You mean it's doing well? Amazing! I mean, I'm delighted to hear it!
It sucks, you idiot! I need more exposure!
What is your plan, sire?
I'm turning this palace into a used car lot!
Here? In this pristine edifice?
Yes! It's perfect! I'll have to beat my disciples off with a stick! I'll move tons of units!
But it's such an historic icon!
Not anymore! Eminem.says they're used to that kind of desecration around here.
You know Eminem?
Taught him everything he knows! Now leave me. I'm feeling kind of, I dunno, spiritual.
That's a new one. And Eminem? No way.
Where are my virgins! Get 'em out here!

Vice Squab

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Tue, 12 May 2026 03:40:35 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Detective, I'm assigning a murder case to you. It's a big one. Don't screw it up.
You can count on me, Captain. What's the scoop?
The victim was found in an abandoned factory on the east side. An eyewitness described the perp as small in stature, somewhat plump, likely a juvenile.
Anything else?
Yeah. It's a bird.
A what?
Matches the description of a known pigeon.
A stool pigeon? One of our CIs?
No, not a criminal informant.. A bird. The kind with wings.
So he pecked the victim to death and then flew the coop? Ha ha!
This is no joke. We want this monster.
I'll need a team, sir.
Who you got in mind.
Fabrizio, Murphy and Jones.
I get it: an owl and 2 cats. Good thinking. I'll have them seconded from animal control.
Order them not to eat anything until the get the guy, er, bird, ok sir?
Dead or alive.
I'm sure that'll motivate 'em.

Petrified Forest

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Mon, 11 May 2026 03:31:45 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Look at this place, Sid. It must have once been a great civilization.
That's obvious, Al. Long since dead though.
Too bad, eh? Only their temple remains.
What kind of god do you think they prayed to?
From what I'm seeing, a real tough motherfucker.
Best kind of god to have, far as I'm concerned.
Absolutely.

Arc of Creation

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Fri, 08 May 2026 19:18:10 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Hello, lord. Are you working on something?
Oh, hello, archangel. I'm creating a new world.
Another one?
I'm gonna keep doing this until I get it right. Take a look. Nice start, eh?
Very nice, lord. What about the world you and I have been discussing these past few centuries?
Oh, that one? I'll tell you, if i wasn't for my favorite lake, I would have incinerated Earth long ago on account of those defective, self-destructive and idiotic humans.
Will you be visiting there this summer?
Absolutely, archangel. I just signed a lease for a cute little Lake Michigan beach cottage.
Dare I ask: who's the landlord? It's not. . .
Ba'al? God no. Someone named Asherah. Weird name, eh?
OMG! Asherah? She's Ba'al's primary consort and business manager!
What? Why that scumbag! Where's that fraudster's used car lot?
Paterson, New Jersey, lord.
Gimme that thunderbolt.
This one?
No, the bigger one. There's only one way to handle this.
In mysterious ways, lord?
This won't be too mysterious, archangel.
I can hardly wait, lord.

Product Placement

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Fri, 08 May 2026 17:54:59 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Any news, Perkins?
Nothing's gone in or come out, sir.
How about on the radio?
No word yet. Wait a minute! I'm getting something!
What is it?
Oh my god! it's the most awful screaming! it sounds like manic banshees from hell!
Great! The product run-out is a smash!
Product?
They found the new double-stuffed chocolate cookies! They're killing themselves over them!
And that's. . . good?
We've got a hit, Perkins. Good work. The board will go ape. There might even be a promotion in it for you. Maybe.
What about the. . . er, casualties, sir?
What about them? Stay in your lane, Perkins.
Yes, sir. Of course, sir.

Sleep Deprivation

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Fri, 08 May 2026 04:10:32 +0000

honeyj has posted:

How'd you end up on my side of the bed?
What? This isn't your side.
I was sleeping there! I can't sleep on this side! How'd I end up here?
What difference does it make? You're asleep!
I slept terrible!. All because of you!
You don't think the cat lying on your face had anything to do with it?
The cat?
She looked so content, I didn't want to move her.
She was content because this is her side!
Your cat has a side of the bed?
I'd rather not answer that question.
Understandable.

Arrearage

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Thu, 07 May 2026 17:36:03 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Can you believe the gall of that guy?
What guy, lord?
Ba'al. Writing to tell me I'm behind in my payments.
Payments?
For that little cottage he sold me a while back.
Well, are you behind on the payments?
Damn right I am! The place is a dump!
Then why did you buy it?
He sweet-talked me into it. That charlatan!
You let him talk you into buying a house?
I know! I know! I should have taken care of him long ago.
Maybe the house can be fixed up?
It would take an act of God to do that.
Well. . .
Oh, right. Well, I meant that, you know, rhetorically.
Of course, lord.

Golden Age Blues

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Thu, 07 May 2026 16:54:37 +0000

honeyj has posted:

The Central Committee Command Center is complete, comrade.
At last! Let’s take a look. Hey! What the. . . This place is destroyed!
Exactly, comrade! It’s the perfect disguise! The invading Amerikanskis will completely ignore it! Then we strike!
Are they invading, Arkady?
Based on who's running the clown show over there these days, comrade, I absolutely would not put it past them. Would you?
Not a chance, Arkady.

No Ice

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Mon, 04 May 2026 19:18:21 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Hey bartender. I'll have my usual.
Coming right up.
But no ice, ok?
No?
Something about that word makes my skin crawl, know what I mean?
I do. I totally do.

Neophobia

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Wed, 29 Apr 2026 21:32:30 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Hey man, how's it going?
I'm good.
I'm just checking up on you. See if you need anything to fix up your place.
Nope, I'm set.
Really? Because it looks like you could use some new stuff in here.
New? No man. The last thing I want is anything that's, you know, "new."
Ok. Well, how about "functional?" Not to go completely overboard, but what do you think about that?
Hmmm. You may be onto something there.

Wealth Redistribution

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Wed, 29 Apr 2026 20:55:32 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Can you believe they want to raise our taxes?
Unreal. It's total class warfare, is what it is.
This commie wealth redistribution has to stop. I mean, I may have to sell one of my airplanes.
Too outrageous to even consider.
Say, I don't believe we've been introduced.
Oh, I just saw this fancy party, and wandered in.
You weren't actually invited? How interesting.
Yes, and it will be more interesting once you give me your wallet.
My. . . what did you say?
I'm taking the wealth redistribution thing personally.
So it appears.

. . . Or I'll Shoot Your Dog

nobody@ipernity.com (honeyj) — Sun, 26 Apr 2026 20:44:47 +0000

honeyj has posted:

Centurion: alert the crew that we are approaching Earth.
Yes, Master.
We'll dock in the middle of that city.
Won't we be spotted? I mean, we're an Arcturan star cruiser.
Have no fear. The new design of our craft is perfect. The humans will never even see us. We'll be. . . invisible.
It is somewhat unconventional, isn't it, master?
You think? The ship was built to look like machinery in one of their many abandoned auto factories. We'll fit right in!
As they say, when in Rome, do as the. . .
Enough of that! We're not going to Rome, Centurion. Not even close.
It's just a figure of speech, Master.
Learn another. And say nice things about Detroit, or. . .
Or what? I mean I do, I do! All the time!